My Awakening

I have been an atheist for 100% of my adult life.  I am not sure how to count my youth and teen years.  I went to church fairly regularly and bible school in the summers from ages 6-10 or so.  And then, my parents got busy with life and raising four kids, and my mom quit going on Sundays.  I got a rejuvenation of sorts between the ages or 13-15, only to eventually do some research and decide the bible just had too many inconsistancies, and then it was over.  I made up my mind that God doesn’t exist and moved on.

For the past 25 years or so, I have just lived my life, not really caring if others want to believe in God, Buddha, Allah, or whomever.  Yet I did continue to have a passive interest in ancient history, and even took elective classes in college in the subject.  And while I never advertised my beliefs, if someone wanted to have a good discussion I was always up for it.  Along the way I am sure I lost a couple of promising relationships because of my beliefs, and then ironically, as regular readers know, I married possibly the most religious person I ever even dated.  Even after marrying a devout theist, I still continued to live and let live–what’s the harm in using a book to teach children morals?  Sure any child doing a little research can find problems with the Noah story as they do with the Santa story, but we tell them Noah did exist and the world did have a massive flood even though evidence shows different. 

Then along comes the internet, and now you can research and find opinions of thousands of people about religion, atheism, and the bible.  As some know, when I started this blog, it was just a blog about life in general, a diary of sorts.  And then I did a post about my atheistic beliefs and did tag search and found hundreds of other bloggers with similar beliefs as mine.  And gradually my belief system is changing.  Not my belief (or non-belief if you prefer) in god, but in how religions should be perceived.

I now pay attention to religion, where before I didn’t really care.  I find myself thinking about religion more than I ever have in my life.  I read articles about it.  I eavesdrop when I hear people discussing church.  I marvel at the new million dollar churches in my neighborhood.  I wonder what our local and national government is going to do to pander to the religious right.  And this is someone who has on more than one occasion punched the Republican ticket in the booth!

So, what is the next step?  To be honest, I am not sure.  One thing is for certain, the more blogs that are out there discussing these things, then the more likely someone googling Noah’s Ark will come across one of us.  And then they get to reading.  Sure, if they are a indoctrined devout theist, nothing will probably change.  But we can show the doubting holiday worshippers and agnostics that there are thousands of people out there just like them.  And maybe 30 years from now I can look back at this blog and say I was in at the beginning.  Or my kids can use this at the insanity hearings before they put me away.

Death and Religion

What happens when we die?  This is one of the main reasons religions exists.  We all want there to be something else when we are gone.  When we lose a loved one, we hope we will one day get to see them again.  I lost both of my parents a little over two years ago.  When that happened I hoped and hoped there was a way that we would be together once again.  I started wishing the religions were true.  But no matter how much wishing, in my mind when we pass on we are gone.  You have to remember one for the life they had here, and what they pass on to their next generation.

It is interesting to me that many of the Christian denominations have different theories of what happens when we die.  All of them use the same scriptures to come up with their conclusions, yet it is hard to find any uniformity.  Many believe in heaven and hell, but then they disagree on what determines which path you are on.  Is it works, faith, combination?  Can a murderer repent and then get his way into heaven?  Does a baby who isn’t baptised go to heaven?  Hell?  Limbo?  Do they grow up after they get there? 

I often wondered why God would make the scriptures so vague that you don’t know for sure what you need to do to get into heaven.  There is always that nagging doubt even with devout Christians.  Am I doing enough?  Do I need to witness more?  Study more?  What about that item I took from my mom when I was a kid?  Is that forgiven?  Am I going to hell anyway for that?  Lots of guilt and pressure there that I would rather not subject my children to.

I am by no means an expert in any religion, but I have attended a wider range of churches than most, I would think.  Here is a brief rundown of some basic beliefs about life after death of the more popular churches: 

Catholics–Heaven, hell, and purgatory.  Purgatory has some pagan roots, but don’t let that stand in the way of letting them tell you it’s from the Bible.  Don’t forget it is a mortal sin to not baptize your baby since they have the original sin, lest they end up in limbo.

Many of the protestant churches are similar but a brief rundown on those I am familiar with:

Lutheran–I know from attending a Lutheran church in my youth that they believe in heaven and hell.  I don’t recall a constant reminder of hell that I remember later after I switched to a Baptist church.  They believe when you die a believer’s soul goes to heaven and eventually will be reunited with your body after the rapture.  Lutherans also baptize babies (I was baptized), but I don’t recall limbo or purgatory. 

Baptists–I attended a Baptist church with my best friend in my teen years.  I recall a high pressure, you’re saved or damned type of attitude while I was there.  I cannot say if all Baptist churches are this way, but reading a lot about them now convinces me it is much the same across the US.  A lot of scare tactics and talking about fire and brimstone and everlasting punishment. 

Methodists–I also attended both a Methodist and Church of the Nazarene church as a youth.  I only attended a short time, probably six months, and I didn’t get near as involved with them as I did the other churches I attended.  Neither of these really preached a heaven and hell.  It was more of a “When you die you will be judged.”  I remember thinking it was pretty vague.  I don’t know if they are still that way today.

I have never attended any of the evangelical New Life type churches that seem much more popular today than in my youth, but perhaps I just don’t remember them.  Most of them seem to follow the evangelical protestant protocol, if you are saved you go to heaven, if not you are tormented in hell.  None of the churches I went to as a kid ever had a Christian rock band touring through, but that is another topic.

There are a number of other Christian spinoffs that go many ways, and according to religious tolerence there are currently more than 1,200 offshoots of Christianity, but the most popular and the ones I know a little about are these:

Mormon–I know very little of the Mormon church.  I have never attended and never been close enough friends with a devout Mormon to get any input.  From what I understand there are two levels of heaven, one for married couples married in a Mormon church, with the potential to become gods or goddesses.  Individuals can make this upper level of heaven also but I am unsure of the specifics.  There is also what I guess you would call an intermediate version of heaven, reserved for people that have lived good lives.  And the third Telestial Kingdom for the wicked.  Maybe I’ll get to hang out in the middle level.  Or maybe not.

7th Day Adventists–I had a friend awhile back who was an adventist, so I know a little about them.  They believe that when you die you are unconscious until Jesus returns and resurrects them and escalates them to heaven.  Then there will be a 1000 year reign for Satan here on earth.  After that all of the people in heaven will get to come back to earth, but only after all of the sinners are resurrected and sent with Satan into a fiery pit of sorts.  There is no eternal torment, just burned to a crisp I guess.  I always thought it would suck to be resurrected after 1000 years only to be burned back up.  Just keep me in the ground.

Jehovah’s Witnesses–Obviously I know a little about this one.  If you are a sinner or non-believer when you die, you just die.  No hell.  Nothing.  Hey we agree on something.  If you are righteous, (the JW’s don’t specifically rule out that other religions are not righteous, they definitely imply that they are not in their literature and in their meetings) you will be resurrected when Jesus comes back and enjoy a 1000 year paradise on earth.  This includes all of those that have been dead for hundreds of years.  I guess you get your old body back somehow.  Hey, he is the creator, so surely he can get your body back.

If anyone knows more about the religions above or wants to discuss another branch please comment.  Keep in mind I haven’t attended a protestant church in over 18 years so I am sure I have errors. 

I Love This Woman

Last night I am reading my comments as well as the comments on Mary’s post about preaching atheism on de-Conversion (not used to the name yet).  Without me noticing her presence, my wife starts reading over my shoulder.

 Uh Oh.

I had told her about me writing a blog, and she knows I participate in some message boards about sports.  But I hadn’t really told her I was writing as much as I have.  And that it had turned to be more specific about atheism and included some Jehovah’s Witness information that I don’t agree with.

My wife isn’t much into computers, she can work her way around google and youtube and type a letter in word, but other than that she avoids them.  She was initially more concerned I was chatting with women.  Once that was resoved she read some of my posts.

Then we talked.  And we talked some more.

She asked some questions, like why we don’t talk about some issues, like the blood issue I wrote about earlier this week or the post I wrote about when I was younger and decided I didn’t believe in God.  And I told her the truth.  My wife is an emotionally driven person.  If she is upset she will argue.  If she is happy she is radiant.  If she is sad she will cry.  Even in a mild disagreement she will raise her voice.  Imagine in a topic she is passionate about.  I don’t need these types of arguments, when I can have them peacefully on the internet.  I even showed her Mary’s topic above, which is what she caught me reading anyway, and my comment about her on that topic, that she could never be swayed and I know that and am fine with it. 

But she wouldn’t let me off that easy.  She wanted to know why I thought she couldn’t be swayed.  I told her it’s simple.  I could show her some evidence and she would still believe.  So we briefly discussed some Bible issues that we haven’t talked about in years.  We also briefly touched on parts of my wife’s life that stay with her today.  I am not going to do into detail, as I probably already reveal more than she would like me to on here.  Let’s just say she didn’t have the best childhood, and luckily both her and her family worked their way out of it.  And they will all credit religion and Jehovah’s Witnesses for helping them along the way.  Obviously I will say it was their own resolve, but I will never win that disagreement.  Her blunt bottom line is there has to be something else, because life sucks too much for this to be all there is.  I have to admit she makes me want to wish she was right.

Did I mention I Love This Woman?

We’re All Doomed I Tell Ya, Doomed!

 

Lo and behold in my Sunday paper there was an article about the world ending in 2012.  And here I was thinking about losing a few pounds to try and lower my cholesterol…

 Some highlights for those not wanting to read the whole thing:

Let’s hope Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce and Jeane Dixon are wrong.

These psychics predicted the world would experience a cataclysmic event — perhaps a meteor strike or a reversal of Earth’s electromagnetic poles — in 2012. That’s the year the Mayan calendar ends.

First I should point out that Nostradamus, Cayce, and Dixon haven’t been too accurate in their predictions that were supposed to have happened in the past 25 years or more.  Cayce predicted the world would start changing in 1958 with cataclysmic consequences by 1998.  And his changes weren’t anything minor-New York and Connecticut buried underwater, the Great Lakes draining into the Gulf.  Most of California underwater.  Hmm, we’re all still here.

I can remember watching the Film, The Man Who Saw Tomorrow when I was about 12 or 13.  It was narrated by Orsen Welles and talked of Armageddon happening during the last part of the 20th century.  This was when I was reading the Bible a lot, as was my best friend at the time.  To say the least this movie scared me straight, and was one of the influences that got me started reading the Bible (the movie not only discussed Nostradamus but also Revelation of the New Testament).  Nostradamus received recognition in the 20th century because of his “prediction” of WWII and mentioning the name “Hister,” which Nostradamus apologists will be ecstatic to tell you is only two (or one sometimes) letters off from naming Hitler.  After researching ol’ Nosty and his predictions, he like so many other “prophets” are very vague and open to interpretation, allowing his name to be continually brought up even though the majority of his predictions proved false.  I even recall a remake of sorts of The Man Who Saw Tomorrow in the early to mid 90’s warning us again about 1999 and the man with the blue turban in the Middle East, I think it was narrated by Charlton Heston the second time around.

I don’t believe Jeane Dixon needs to even be brought up as she was wrong pretty much all the time.

Now, I didn’t know a lot about the Mayan Calendar, and had to do a little research.  Some good info can be found here and on Wikipedia, but truthfully it is still pretty confusing, and this coming from an amateur astronomer.  Bottom line is they predict the world ends in 2012.

 So, do any of us believe the world is going to end in 5+ years?  I would say the overwhelming majority will say no.  And once 2012 passes, then new prophecies will come out with new End of the World dates, or there will be new interpretations of the writings of Cayce and Nostradamus. 

So what does all of this have to do with my normal discussions?  Well, the article peaked my interest while reading my Sunday paper, and that triggered memories of watching different movies and specials about Nostradamus and other prophets/psychics which actually got me more interested in the Bible.  I remember truly being convinced California was going to fall in the ocean and I made a mental note to not consider colleges on the West Coast.  I remember my friend and I reading the Bible, especially Revelation and trying to understand the number 666 and the tribulation.  In the end he became very religious (and still is, even though I rarely see him any longer as we are across the country from each other), and I became an atheist.  It just shows that two intelligent but different people can get two entirely different opinions of the Bible.  Interesting to me, to say the least.

I guess I’ll start that diet after all….

That’s How I Got Where I Am

I have been an atheist most of my life.  I say this because a number of blogs that I have been spending way to much time reading are from former or questioning Christians that have become or are seriously leaning towards atheism or agnosticism.  I have mentioned a couple of my favorites but two more I have found are Sailing to Byzantium and Everyday Atheist.  I should mention these blogs as well as Agnostic Atheism are much better written then mine, and they have much more Bible knowledge than I currently do.

The reason for this is simple.  I decided at a very early age that I didn’t believe the Bible could be true.  From the ages of 4-8 I can remember going to church somewhat regularly with my parents, mostly my mom.  Even doing the Bible school in the summers.  We still even have an old 8mm with no sound (hey it was the 70’s) of myself and my brothers coming home one Sunday after church in the snow in our best clothes.  In my formative years of 5th through 8th grades I started going to a Baptist church with my best friend.  I actually got pretty gung-ho for religion during these years.  But then something changed.

Way back in the early 80’s I was a geek when being a geek wasn’t cool.  I read a lot.  I can remember reading a lot of Ray Bradbury and George Orwell.  I don’t even really remember which author or book it was, but something set me off between what I was learning on Sundays and what I was reading in my spare time during the rest of the week.  Meanwhile, back at church, I can remember feeling pressure to become “saved.”  I remember people I didn’t even really know asking myself and my friend if we were going to “make Jesus our personal saviour,” and similar questions.  I remember feeling a lot of pressure really, kind of like when you get older and buy a house or car for the first time.  I was having doubts and my friend was just saying to go ahead and get baptised, what could it hurt?  And I remember thinking, well, if there is a God, he would know I am faking my commitment to being saved.  So, I decided to actually read the Bible, instead of just the scriptures required for the current week’s sermon.

I don’t remember my exact age, but I must have been about 13-14.  I commited myself to reading the Bible and learning about God.  But as I read through Genesis and Exodus, I began to wonder.  Back then there was no internet, so I actually took my Bible to school and would go into the library during my spare time and both read the Bible and find ancient history book to corraborate as much as I could.  The school library had some information but I recall even going to the public library because I wasn’t getting enough.  I knew after reading just the Old Testament that I didn’t really believe most of what supposedly happened so far.  I knew I would never believe in Noah and the Flood, Lot’s wife being turned into a pillar of salt, the whole dinosaur situation at the beginning of Genesis, and many other problems that are brought up on websites today.  But I committed myself to finishing the New Testament, but I remember not having the fervor that I had when I started, and it took a number of weeks.

So after reading the Bible, I knew a lot of it couldn’t be true.  So my rationalization is if I know parts of it aren’t true, how can I know if any of the rest of it is valid?  My friend ended up getting baptised, and I quit going to church.  He and I remained friends, but he knew something had happened.  During high school and college I don’t remember much fuss about when I would tell people I didn’t believe in God.  I think since most of us are pretty messed up during those years anyway and it wasn’t given much thought.  I do remember if I was trying to impress a girl or a group of friends I would normally stay out of religious topics until they knew me well enough so I wouldn’t get “that look.”  I am sure being an atheist cost me more than one relationship I would have liked to see continue.

As I got older, I actually got more and more secretive about my beliefs.  It seems young people are allowed to question God but as you get older you just submit.  I will discuss this topic more later but the biggest arguments I have had about my beliefs in the past 20 years were with my wife after we were married.  And there were a couple of knock down drag outs, but we perservered.  We don’t discuss it much now at all.  I am thankful I have found the blogging world, because it does let us who have been silent for awhile to discuss our beliefs and not get “that look.”